This thought often comes to my mind: why did humans evolve the way they did? By evolution I mean becoming capable of speaking, building cities, doing scientific studies, destroying nature, and then studying how to fix the damage we created. Sometimes the simple thought comes to me that nature might have been perfectly fine if humans had never evolved to this extent.
Humans try to cure illnesses and protect animals by creating sanctuaries for them. But did animals ever really need sanctuaries in the first place? Would we even need cures for so many illnesses if we had not disturbed the natural balance of the environment? I often wonder about this.
It is not that I am depressed. These thoughts have been with me since childhood. Even when I was young, I never fully understood what we are doing in the world. It often felt like a repetitive cycle: eat, sleep, go to school, come back home, and repeat. I used to ask myself — why?
I watched my mother suffer deeply in her relationships. She did not really want to live, but she continued living. I used to wonder why we try so hard to maintain relationships that cause pain. It is not that the thought of ending life seemed like a solution, but I often questioned why people continue in situations that hurt them.
Humans are social beings, and language probably evolved because of that. But why do we stay connected to people who treat us badly? If someone does not truly suit us, why must we stay with them at all? Why can’t people live peacefully alone if that feels more natural to them?
Some animals live solitary lives. Tigers and octopuses, for example, spend much of their lives alone. Humans usually cannot live without others, although a few people prefer solitude.
Personally, I enjoy being alone. But if I find someone who truly understands me, I would never want to lose that connection. I enjoy being social, but I am selective about it. I do not chase relationships simply because someone is related to me or expected to be part of my life. I value relationships where emotions feel genuine and raw, not artificial.
If I had to honestly describe my social circle, it would consist of three close humans, three secondary ones, and three dogs.
Interestingly, I find it easier to form bonds with animals because they seem simpler. But are they really simpler? After observing animals closely, I have realized they are not very different from humans. The biggest difference is that they do not have language, which often complicates human relationships because words can hurt.
For example, yesterday I saw a bird scaring away a dog much larger than itself. The dog was timid and walked with its tail down, so the bird took advantage of that. My own dog would have scared that bird away instantly.
This made me realize that behavior in animals and humans is not very different. I once watched a documentary about monkeys where the dominant leader was the only one allowed to mate with the females. If another male tried, he had to fight the leader.
At one point I believed humans had become uniquely selfish, arrogant, and ungrateful. But after observing animals more closely, I noticed similar patterns among them too. The difference is that animals live mainly for survival, while humans chase something much more complicated — purpose, success, achievement — sometimes without even knowing what we are truly chasing.
Animals seem to simply live: they eat, sleep, reproduce, and survive. But even they have personalities. My own dogs have very different personalities.
My oldest dog cries if nobody is around, but when someone comes near he may try to attack, not seriously, but as if warning them to stay away.
My second dog lives entirely in his own world. He ignores commands and is not territorial or aggressive, but if someone drops food, he suddenly appears like an ant finding sugar.
My third dog, who lives with me, is very similar to me and my husband — loving and attached, but protective. If someone is welcomed by us, they are accepted. But if they are not welcomed, they should stay away.
My husband and I generally prefer quiet lives and do not enjoy people visiting frequently. When people do come, they often criticize things like our house being too far away or not arranged according to their expectations. Even close family sometimes complains, but we usually ignore it or ask them to stop, because we know they care and we do not want to damage the relationship.
What I mean is that humans and animals are very similar. The difference is that humans developed language, claimed ownership over the Earth, and now behave as if the planet belongs entirely to them. We keep building, innovating, and expanding as if these things were always necessary.
But were they?
I remember visiting Lonavala once. I have allergies, yet while walking in heavy rain there, surrounded by nature, I did not sneeze even once. But when I moved to Mumbai, I developed a high fever almost immediately. I barely remember it because my husband took care of me and gave me medicine.
The difference I noticed was that Lonavala was still mostly natural, spread over a small area with limited disturbance. Cities, on the other hand, are heavily altered environments.
Where I currently live now, closer to nature, my allergies have almost disappeared. In the city where I lived before, I could not go a single day without constant sneezing.
This makes me wonder: if the environment had remained mostly natural, would many illnesses even exist? Perhaps illnesses would be much rarer.
Sometimes I feel humans created many problems that did not originally exist, and now we spend our lives trying to find solutions for them.
Humans have even created systems where land and homes are registered in our names, as if the Earth belongs to us. Meanwhile, animals continue to lose their habitats as forests are cut down and oceans are explored for human expansion. We are even searching for life on other planets, almost as if we have exhausted Earth and are preparing to move on to another. At the same time, we keep building, expanding, increasing our population, and extending our life expectancy.
Sometimes I feel humans are gradually occupying the entire planet.
While many people are trying to extend human life further, I sometimes feel the opposite. I do not desire a very long life. I want to leave this world peacefully when the time comes.
I am not suicidal. Those thoughts have appeared before, but I do not act on them. I believe in the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita, which say that taking one’s own life only continues the cycle of karma and rebirth. Because of that belief, I let those thoughts pass.
My belief in the Bhagavad Gita became stronger when I tried to understand my mother’s life. She never seemed to experience real happiness. Her own mother was not nurturing, and my father was not a good husband. When life was finally beginning to improve, she developed cancer and passed away.
It felt as if she never truly had the chance to live peacefully.
The idea from the Bhagavad Gita — that we may be here to complete unfinished karma or fulfill certain purposes — is the only explanation that has ever made sense to me. Without it, life feels completely meaningless.
Things I struggle to accept about human evolution
- Large brains – Instead of simply living, humans constantly compete, compare, and chase success. Stress and mental illness are extremely common.
- Cures – Humans often create problems through environmental destruction and then try to invent cures for those problems.
- Buildings – We take enormous amounts of land to build structures that provide comfort but also remove natural ecosystems.
- Security – We create complex systems for safety, yet true safety can never be guaranteed.
- Racing – Humans are constantly competing to be better, richer, or more successful, even when the competition has little meaning.
- Constant desire – The desire for more money, success, and achievement never seems to end.
- Nutrient deficiencies – Modern humans often suffer from nutritional deficiencies despite having more food available than ever before, because much of the food is nutritionally depleted. Continuous and unnatural farming practices to support a growing population have gradually weakened the soil.
- Clothing – Clothes originally existed for protection, but they have gradually turned into symbols of status and identity. Wearing something that is not considered trendy can easily make a person a subject of ridicule.
- Loss of body hair – Over time, humans lost most of their body hair. While this likely helped with temperature regulation during early human evolution, I sometimes wonder whether losing this natural layer of protection also made us more vulnerable to environmental conditions.
- Extended life spans – Living extremely long lives sometimes feels exhausting rather than desirable.
I know my thoughts may seem too intense to some people, but life has always felt this way to me. Things have rarely made complete sense. Sometimes I feel that if my mind worked like many others—simply chasing goals without questioning their meaning—life might have been easier. But my thoughts often go beyond the usual idea of human life.
What I truly desire is moksha, not this endless cycle of human living which, to me, often feels like a period I am simply passing through. The idea of building houses or cities never really appealed to me. What I imagine as a peaceful life is something very simple—living under a tree, in a small hut, or in a house made naturally by the environment.
Competition also confuses me. I often ask myself: why should I run after wealth or success? What would it give me in the end? Another building, more clothes, more luxury? None of these things feel meaningful to me.
I don’t feel attached to material things either. I don’t wear earrings, necklaces, or rings. Sometimes I even feel like shaving my head and simply wearing a single piece of cloth, something simple like the sheet I wear at home.
At times I wonder if I am meant to live like a sanyasi. In fact, I thought about taking sanyas many times. But then I saw news and stories where people misuse the idea of renunciation and do things in the name of spirituality that feel deeply disturbing. That made me step away from that path.
Now I am married, and my husband still lives within the normal structure of society and its expectations. So I live alongside that life as well. Whenever I speak about these thoughts, he sometimes worries that I might be becoming depressed again. But that isn’t the case. This is simply how my mind has always worked.
I have accepted that this is part of who I am, and I do not feel the need to compete with others.
Sometimes I also struggle with this physical body. I have dealt with issues like long-term constipation, psoriasis, thyroid problems, bloating, allergies, low metabolism, food intolerances, and frequent viral fevers. Because of all this, I often feel frustrated with this body.
Sometimes I wish I could exist simply as energy, free to move and roam without the limitations of a physical body.
To others these thoughts might seem strange, but this is honestly how I experience life, and sometimes I wish humans had never evolved to this extent.